


Midnight confession

by Ayakox



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Inspired by 2x15 sneek peak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayakox/pseuds/Ayakox
Summary: Magnus can't sleep. He keeps thinking about what the agony rune recalled in his mind.He's suffering but he can't talk to Alec about his thoughts or his memories, he's not ready yet. But he wants Alec to know.So, looking at a sleeping Alec, he just opens up his heart and let his thoughts come out...





	Midnight confession

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the 2x15 sneak peek I had to write something about them. I couldn't help it. *-*
> 
> As always I want to remember you that I'm an italian fan, so if you had to find some horrible mistakes, please don't kill me, but remember that it is not my first language and that I'm still learning ♥

 

 

Alec was so peaceful in that state of unconsciousness.

His lips were parted and his breaths were deep. In the silence of the night his soft snoring was the only sound spelling the time.

Magnus wondered what Alec could be dreaming of in that moment: he hoped whatever it was, it was something happy.

The warlock was sitting on his side of the bed looking at his boyfriend beside him.

He was sleeping for a couple of hours after a very long day; his hair was messy and his chest was moving at every breath. Up and down. Up and down. Magnus could see the way it moved with his own eyes because the Shadowhunter was shirtless. He always slept like that at Magnus' place. The warlock could see every rune ever drawn on his skin, every detail of his body under the moonlinght that filtered from the window. It seemed so defenseless... And yet he wasn't. Even asleep he had far superior senses than other humans, plus Magnus would have never allowed to anyone to get any closer to him. 

Alec sighed and tilted his head to his left, toward the window, while his right forearm just laid on his forehead with the relative hand closed in a weak fist.

He breathed in and Magnus simply smiled. He was beautiful. His eyelashes drew thin shadows on his cheekbones, his lips were just as open as when he was waiting for a kiss. And maybe he really was. Magnus didn't give him his goodnight kiss. It was four nights he didn't and he was truly sorry but... something stopped him from doing it.

It was memories.

The same memories which were preventing him to sleep. The same memories the agony rune's woke up.

He felt his wrist burn just as the agony rune were drawn. He held his breath clenching his teeth before relax - a little bit at a time - and sigh tiredly.

"I'm sorry, Alec" Magnus said looking at him, sadly. "I just can't stop thinking about that... I know you surely would understand if I just told you but... I can't" his voice was a whisper, his eyes were two emeralds shining in the dark.

A part of him really wanted to tell him everything. His past, his childhood. But another one didn't want him to know all the bad things he went trhough.

Magnus would have wanted Alec to know everything about him but then how would have he reacted? He didn't want him to feel guilty. The warlock knew that Alec would have felt responsible for this. He didn't believe him when he said he was Magnus in Valentine's body. He left Magnus in that cell, he left Imogen Herondale to torture him with that inhuman rune. He would have left him die if just Valentine didn't stop him saying the truth... A minute. Just one minute later and Magnus would have **died**.

That thought made him wince.

"I know it's not your fault. I know that, believe me" he began to say, sighing. "but you were there, Alexander. While they were torturing me, you were watching without seeing me. Your expression... I can't forget it." he admitted staring at some point in front of him, somewhere in the room. "You were ice cold. You looked at me as if you didn't know me. As if you _wanted_ that to happen. And I know that you thought I was Valentine in that moment but... You've never looked at me like that before. I was scared."

His voice went out in a subtle whisper. "No. I was deeply terrified."

That wasn't just fear. It was pure terror.

The same terror he experienced only once in all his life: when he met his father. The same terror just death brings along.

Magnus licked his lips, nervously, and swallowed silently. Alec was breathing deeply, he was still sleeping.

"I relived my darkest days and you were watching me falling apart as if you didn't care. Your indifference was slowly killing me. And I don't blame you. I know you wouldn't do anything like that to me but... you did" His cat eyes slipped on Alec's sleeping figure, on the traits of his body: his abs, his pectoral, his collarbones. "Without wanting it, but you did" he sighed, tiredly. 

He felt sad. He truly didn't blame Alec for what happened but at the same time he couldn't forget his face. The face of the man he loved looking at him like all he wanted was his death. He could still see that expression on his face if he would have just closed his eyes. Right there, behind his eyelids. Maybe that was the reason he couldn't sleep. Maybe he was just scared from the idea to close his eyes and see that once again. He didn't know.

"Mhhn" Magnus' attention was caught by a soft moan. He tilted his head and saw Alec smiling in sleep. "Magnus..." he murmured with a raspy voice.

The warlock opened his eyes wide, his lips parted. Alec called his name with the cutest expression he had ever seen on his face. He was smiling in such a tender way he couldn't do anything else that smile in turn. A warm sparkle lit up in his chest burning throughout his all body. It was as if Alec had jus hugged him so tight to let him breathless, putting Magnus heart's pieces all together again. He was frightened by Alec's ability to flip so suddenly his mood. It was disarming. He had such a great power in his hands and probably he didn't even know that... Magnus sighed with a bitter smile drawn on his lips. He laid down his head on the pillow and kept looking at Alec's sleepy smile.

"I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia. It was the 16th century and my parents were two adorable people. They had a farm and they did really love each other." he began to say, in a low voice. "They loved me too for a while. I remember, sometimes, when my mother sang to me to make me sleep or when my father played with me" The warlock's voice was a whisper, his glance was sad and nostalgic and far, far away from that room.  "Of course they were two mondanes. It had been a shock -for them- to find out I wasn't. They were disgusted or scared by me, I don't really know... I was really young at that time and I didn't even know what the problem was with me." He felt his lips tremble while his voice was getting unsure. It was unbelievably painful to say those words and extraordinary reassuring at the same time. He was remembering something horrible but it also was the first time he told that story out loud. To Alec. Even if he wasn't listening, even if he wouldn't ever known. He was getting off a huge weight from Magnus' chest. He was the only one person he could have ever tell that story to. The only person who Magnus would have liked to tell. "They just forgot their love for me in one moment... As if I turned into a monster in a second." He swallowed and clenched his lips tight. He stayed quiet for a moment listening at Alec's breath in the silence of the night.

"They died soon after that day. I did lose them when I just was ten. And still, sometimes, I miss them" Magnus closed his eyes releasing a deep, trembling breath. "Even that man who wasn't my father. Even that man who tried to..." He stopped. He couldn't say anything more. It was too much to bear for that night. He licked his lips and got up from the bed, trying to calm down breath after breath. Sunrise was coming and Alec could have wake up any moment in the next few hours. He didn't want him to hear him. Not yet. He wasn't ready. And, maybe, a little part of him thought that Alec didn't deserve to know such an horrible story. 

Magnus looked at Alec's figure one last time while the sun was rising and his light was brightening up everything, little by little. He was sleeping, still smiling, breathing deeply with his eyes shut. 

The warlock smiled bitterly and then he went out the room, closing the door with a snap of his fingers. Blue sparkles erupted by his fingertips and the door magically moved without a sound.

Now it was time to forget. A new day had begun and he had to hide all of his concerns in a little angle of his soul. 

A little angle he was scared of.

A little angle full of his demons.

Full of his scars.

Full of past.

 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it! I really hope you did enjoy that even though it is just an unassuming one shot ^_^  
> Please, if you like it, leave a comment so that I know! ^_^


End file.
